Miomo – Making it on my Own

Failure to Launch

©Yvonne Godfrey 2007 All rights reserved www.miomo.co.nz

There is a great movie called ‘Failure to launch’ in which a 35-year-old man refuses to leave home. He dates many girls but always manages to sabotage the relationship once it gets too hot in case she lures him out of that beautiful place called security and comfort into that fearful place called responsibility – namely his own place.

The parents hire a gorgeous woman whose job is to have their son fall in love with her so that he will ultimately sever the apron strings and go it alone with the woman of his dreams. Of course in the movie the inevitable happens and she falls in love with him ruining everything temporarily, until in true Hollywood fashion, they sort it out and live happily ever after.

The reality is that the number of young adults over 20 and into their 30’s who are continuing to live with Mum and Dad long is increasing. Whilst on one hand it may be flattering to know that your kids still love you and think you are awesome, a closer look at the situation reveals that the primary motivation for these precious pups is money! That’s right, YOUR money – ‘why use your own?’ they ask when you can use Mum and Dad’s.

Our girls are 23 and 27 and I have only just managed to pry their sticky little fingers off my every belonging. It seems that what’s yours is theirs and what’s theirs doesn’t fit you anyway. So get over yourself and just buy 2 of everything that you ever thought was gorgeous because you can be sure that within a week – you will only be able to find one.

If you charge them market rates for board they squeal like a stuck pig, claiming that you are stinging them unfairly. Unfair! ‘Who is not being fair?’ I want to scream! They use your cell phone when you are not looking, wash only their clothes and never seem to notice that maybe the floor could do with sweeping to avoid an inspection from the health department.

So why do we put up with it? Because we are gutless –that’s why. We get sucked in by a crumb of appreciation like the odd time they brag about you to their friends and call you the most incredible mother in the world. Ooh – have you tasted Mum’s Lasagne? You just have to have some. It’s so good – it would cost way too much to make it in a restaurant. And what about those Mother’s Day cards that you absolutely must believe in order to maintain even a shred of self-esteem! Yes – off you go and keep that card along with all the others. You know that cardboard box you have tucked away with all your fan mail. Yeah – that’s the one that’s got the baby tooth and the first lock of hair and now the Mother’s day cards. You are pathetic – that’s what you are – just like me!

But one day the filthy room and the late board payments got the better of me and I rebelled. Like an SAS commando out of control I stormed the bedroom – when she wasn’t there of course – I would never have had the guts to do it when she was there. I’m mad but I’m not stupid! I cleaned the whole room from top to toe, killed the now unidentifiable organisms growing under the bed, and gave BOTH my girls notice. I gave them a deadline which was far enough away to give them time to get organised but close enough that they had to get on with the job.

And guess what – it worked! I don’t have any adults masquerading as kids living with me. I turned one of their rooms into a beautiful guest room and took over the other bedroom as my office. The message is clear! I love you; I just don’t want to live with you! Good luck – you can do it!

Footnote to this article:

Now 2009, both of my girls run really great households and can cook like Jamie Oliver. They are loving, appreciative and look out for me in all kinds of ways.