Shaping Teens into Independent Young Adults
Shaping Teens into Independent Young Adults
Yvonne Godfrey 2010
Director of Miomo (Making it on my Own) www.miomo.co.nz All rights reserved
A functioning healthy adult takes full financial, physical and emotional responsibility for himself or herself. But, getting to be one can seem like a huge leap across the great divide for many teens. This is made more difficult if the young person has not been properly equipped for adult life.
How well are teens doing after they leave school? Statistics say not well! New Zealand has the highest methamphetamine use per head of population in the world
(Source: NZ Herald May 16th 2009, article Waging war on P)
43% of our 18 – 24 year olds are already in debt and are spending more than they earn. (Source: Department Statistics Dec 2009)
Whose responsibility is it to equip young people for adult life?
Is it the school’s job or are the parents responsible? YES to both! So, are schools teaching what’s most important? Are parents equipping their children with the knowledge and experience to do well in the adult world? Although schools and parents are usually doing the best they can, the answer is no.
7 Key Areas for success in adult life 1. Discover personal values and strengths
Young people are confused and disempowered if they don’t know what is important to them – what they are good at and how they can combine their values and strengths into a career. Values bring meaning, motivation and clarity to our lives. Youth need to determine their values as opposed to parents, family or their rock star’s values.
On Miomo we use the system from www.valuesatwork.org to discover the students’ values.
To identify their strengths, students do the online questionnaire, Strengths Finder 2.0 www.strengthsfinder2.0.com. Discovering their values and strengths help the students to choose a career and to set goals.
2. Learn to set and achieve goals
Dreams are free – they require no resources, only imagination. However, to convert our dreams into reality, goals must be set and achieved. Praise and encouragement is paramount to building positive expectations but young people must stretch out of their comfort zones and achieve goals in order to have personal pride and earn self-respect.
3. Take responsibility to create pride, ownership, and contribution
I frequently ask mothers if they are still changing the sheets on their sons’ beds. A sheepish ‘yes’ almost guarantees that the boy takes little responsibility for his physical or emotional self. Mum thinks she is showing him love when in reality she has been robbing him of his independence.
4. Make decisions and solve problems
Solving problems requires good decision making which in turn requires the ability to reason – to think and to apply that thinking to the situation. Knowledge alone is not enough. It is far moreimportant for young people to know how to think so that they can solve their own problems. How we think is determined by our wisdom. And wisdom comes when reasoning and instinct is applied to knowledge.
Teenagers, who have been spoon-fed the answers or shutdown when asking questions don’t develop instinct or wisdom. Where there is no instinct, there lacks confidence to make decisions. If we can’t make our own decisions, then others must make them for us. Teenagers hate that!
Young people best learn decision-making and thinking skills from good modeling, and that is why teachers and parents carry such a responsibility to show rather than tell! Then, young people can solve their own problems and be more willing to take responsibility for the consequences.
5. Master Money
The borrower is servant to the lender, the proverb says. How sad to be a servant at 17 years old! We can blame advertising media for enticing us with what we can’t afford, but the aggression of money lending institutes or proactive retailers is not about to slow down anytime soon.
Therefore, adults must become better educated about money to proactively teach their children about saving, credit and interest. Parents and teachers who encourage and equip children to be financially competent as youngsters are preparing them for a healthy relationship with money as adults. This also fosters a stronger connection between the value of education and financial prosperity.
Parents – set the example of living within your means. All young people should be encouraged to have part time jobs to get a start on handling money. However, if they consume it all and don’t save anything – then having money has not taught them a thing. Sylvia Bowden’s brilliant book on ‘How to Stop Your Kids From Going Broke’, www.silbo.co.nz outlines her eight money savvy principles.
6. Build Healthy Relationships In his book Toughen Up, Michael Hill says that he employs on attitude and relationship skills
above any other technical skill.
The Internet has fast-tracked relationships, many of these into shallow and / or dangerous liaisons. Associations are critical to shaping a young adult’s future. On Miomo, we teach a four step process to building good relationships.
1. Meet a person 2. Create an acquaintance 3. Develop a friendship 4. Nurture further closeness and intimacy
Test the relationship at each stage to decide if you want to move to the next level. Experience a person’s character. This takes time and discernment. Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves, so remember, to attract a person of good character, we must be one first.
7. Communicate Clearly, Honestly and Effectively
To be taken seriously, young people must be able to express themselves well to all generations. This means a good handshake, a smile and eye contact, and being able to write full words spelt properly! Become bi-lingual. It’s Ok to text-speak to peers but imperative to communicate to a fifty year old in his or her language.
Finally, as King Solomon said, “ A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.” How much depends on the kid in the middle. That kid is probably your young adult and is therefore worth investing in.
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